September 25th, 2021
A fatal attraction is holding me fast
How can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can't keep my eyes
from the circling sky
Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I
-Pink Floyd, Learning to Fly
I can’t stop thinking about jumping out of Oleg’s 10th
story apartment window.
I am obsessed with the thought of it. What would it feel
like to freefall ten stories down to the ground? Would I remain conscious, or
would I black out before I hit? Would I feel the concrete as my body splattered
all over it, and what would my last thought be (oh, fuck!?)
I can’t stop imagining it, every time I peer out the window
and down to the city’s cold, hard, concrete surfaces. Would anyone else even
see it, maybe someone peering out a similar window, thinking about doing the
same thing?
But I still can’t stop thinking about what it would feel like to jump out of this window. To be clear, I’m not thinking about what it would be like to die by jumping, really. My obsessive thoughts come from the wonder of it all, not about the consequences. So, I have no desire to end my life, quite the opposite, but I still find myself wondering what it would be like if I just leaned a little further out.
You have to understand that I’ve grown up in the country,
quite literally with both feet planted firmly on the ground, and have spent all
my life on ground floors, in a house, maybe with a second story bedroom or
office. But never in my life have I lived for any extended period of time at 10
stories, which is like, what, about 150 feet? So now that I’ve awakened every
morning for well over a month now, at this height, you would think the
amazement of looking outside to a sea of apartment buildings as tall and high as
mine would have gone thin by now. But it hasn’t. Every day, I sit here on this
closed balcony, in lotus position, and watch the sun slowly rise at about
5:30-6 a.m. each morning. I let my thoughts drift in meditation while doing a
bit of stretch yoga and breathing exercises (I call this “Ronnie-yama”, since
it was my mom that introduced me to meditation and yoga at an early age). It’s
an invigorating way to start the day, highly recommended!)
And yet those thoughts always seem to drift out the window. I mean, just look at the apartment building directly across from my window on Oleg’s 10th floor. Count up to the 10th and that’s level with me here, both buildings being about 20 stories tall (so I’m halfway up).
Oleg’s windows, two in the back bedroom where we sleep and four in the front balcony (closed in) are about 4ft x 2ft and two or three of them swing open to the left, like a door, and the lower rail of the window ledge is about waist high, so leaning outward even just a little gives you just a little bit of the willies. When you lean out just a tad to see the ground below, you feel gravity’s weight, like one of those toy action figures we used to play with as kids. My Spiderman doll, for instance, was top heavy like me, the chest and arms exaggerated and much larger than his skinny little legs, so these dolls always topped over with the slightest counter shake or floor vibration, remember? And since my adult body is similarly top heavy and leg skinny, I often feel out of balance in this way, ready to topple over with the slightest push. I feel this awkward balance in my legs every time I even glance out Oleg’s windows, and especially when my upper body is fully outside of it, looking down at the ground.
In a different environment – the rocky mountains of the West – I’ve felt this exact same sensation. I’m not afraid of heights (but not in love with them either), so my spidey-senses start tingling every time I’m on a rocky ledge on an overlook high above everything. There’s nothing more exhilarating that being on a mountain top ledge that’s at or above the cloud line, even while just skiing at this elevation. it’s dream-like. I can imagine it now and it feels like I’m standing there at this moment. I have just slid off the chairlift. I pause to look over the landscape below, seeing my line and the trees I will need to avoid. Now I’m ready to drop into my first turns, feeling the initial heart-racing jitters, and adrenaline rush, quickly followed by a cold calmness as I imagine laying virgin tracks and perfect S-turns in fresh, wispy, champagne powder. Imagine it. If you ski, you know the feeling.
I did find one useful way to exploit my newfound heights.
After noticing that others up here have a tradition of painting messages to
loved ones on the sidewalks below, I decided to try it for Tetyana’s birthday.
So, I snuck out at 4:30 in the morning (in the pitch black elevator) and, using
some children’s chalk, I drew this outside of our bedroom window. Don’t laugh
at the fact that I forgot the “H”, it was dark! Tanya loved it!
Let’s jump ahead.
I think my obsessed thoughts of heights has something to do
with always thinking about my new environment, and that includes other aspects
of the physical environment and things I can’t help but notice about the
country of Ukraine, not all of it good. For example, I see a LOT of trash and
pollution here.
As I continue to notice a fair amount of trash strewn about
the city of Kyiv, I can’t help but reflect on its “footprint” of carbon and
pollution, but also on recycling and renewable energy. So, I did the classic,
inexhaustive, distracted, cursory Googling research to find out and, from what
I gathered, it would appear that Ukraine’s footprint is more like a toe-tap
compared to larger and more consumerist countries like China and the U.S.
For example, I saw that Ukraine
consumed 3,632,194,307,000 BTU (3.63
quadrillion BTU) of energy in 2017. This represents 0.62% of
global energy consumption. https://www.worldometers.info/energy/ukraine-energy/
And from the U.S. Energy Information Administration…
Analysis - Energy Sector Highlights
·
Ukraine is an important
transit country for supplies of oil and natural gas from Russia to
countries throughout Europe.
·
The Dnieper-Donetsk
region accounts for 90% of natural gas production. The remaining 10% of natural
gas production originates in the Carpathian and Black Sea-Sea of Azov regions.
·
Ukraine produces coal,
natural gas, petroleum and other liquids, nuclear, and renewables. However,
energy demand exceeds domestic energy supply; imports cover an energy gap of
about 35%.
·
Natural gas represents
nearly one-third of Ukraine’s primary energy consumption, followed by coal at
30% and nuclear at 21%. Petroleum and other liquids and renewable energy
sources together account for the remaining 18% of primary energy consumption.
·
Even before the COVID-19
pandemic, Ukraine’s economy faced significant challenges, including excessive
sovereign debt. The pandemic only increased these challenges, as both energy
demand and production decreased, affecting Ukraine’s ability to repay debt.
But this doesn’t come anywhere close the U.S. annual energy
use:
In 2020, total U.S. primary energy consumption was equal to
about 92,943,042,000,000,000 Btu, or about 93 quadrillion Btu. May 14,
2021 https://www.eia.gov/energyexplained/us-energy-facts/
So we can safely say that, like other countries, Ukraine has
its challenges; however, it’s footprint globally is relatively miniscule. So
there’s that.
So should I be concerned that there are some, but not many, recycling stations around Kyiv? It’s growing here, to be sure, but most people continue to toss their plastic, glass and cardboard in the trash, and I’ve seen some sketchy industrial liquids/chemicals tossed in the trash around my apartment too!
So, like much of Ukrainian culture, it’s a mixed bag. There
is an environmental ethic here. You have to pay for your plastic bags at the
grocery store, so many people re-use them or bring their own. Out of necessity,
people mostly walk everywhere, to the store and to work. Parents take their
kids outdoors to play in the many ad hoc playgrounds that are scattered between
apartment buildings, so kids learn to enjoy the outdoors (imagine that!). The
tap water is contaminated, so just about everyone re-uses large plastic jugs to
get their drinking water from water stations around the neighborhood. And
babushkas leave milk and scraps out for the (many) stray cats and dogs that roam
the streets (as well as the gazillion pigeons), and many people have pets that
are well cared for and loved, so there’s some appreciation for non-human life.
Camping, which here is mostly day picnics by the river cooking up shashlik
(shish-kabobs) over an open fire, is something that families do often on warm,
sunny days.
Full paper here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1a6H0jj-PfnavSuERTZZVycJ6vUe5Hg3w/view?usp=sharing
And I’ve already documented the overpopulation problem that
results in a traffic and transportation infrastructure problem that is
notorious around the world. Kyiv, in fact, ranks 9th in the world
for traffic congestion, so you have to be prepared for a very crowded and
chaotic drive to downtown. It takes about an hour to drive from
here to here, for example (12 KM).
And although Kyiv has good public transportation, including
a clean and easy subway system, rail, city busses, Uber and other ride share
services, and the ever-present marshukas
(like buses but not really), there are still far too many cars on the road and
nowhere to park. So parking requires novel solutions.
Which is why you’ll see people finding novel ways to park,
to put it mildly!
Now, I consider myself to be an aggressive but safe driver
in the city, like in Chicago where I typically drive. I’ve never been in an
accident and have managed some pretty hairy situations in heavy traffic. So, I
planned to drive here on this third trip, thinking I was ready. But I’m not.
Sitting in the front seat with Oleg driving, I had to reconsider.
Driving in Kyiv is crazy. Insane, actually. The rules are
different here. You can cut in front of anyone as long as you are even slightly
ahead of another car, and they will brake and allow you in, and you can expect
that others will similarly cut you off at any moment (lots on honking
everywhere, but whatever). And you can pass anyone, on any side, in any lane,
at any time. You can even drive on sidewalks (technically illegal but no
politzia will stop you)! When I asked Oleg about this, he explained that
drivers have had to adapt to the fact that there are so many more cars on the road
today, and that the infrastructure (roads and sidewalks in particular) cannot
accommodate them all, so politzia look the other way and drivers just have to
compete/cooperate with one another as best they can. It’s not rudeness that compels
them to cut in front of each other so dangerously, it’s out of necessity.
One thing I DO like about driving in Ukraine is that YOU
DON’T HAVE TO WEAR A SEATBELT. Not many people do, and I love that because, I
hate to say it, I usually don’t wear a seatbelt in the U.S. either. I might
strap in for a 90 mph drive up to Chicago, but rarely anywhere else and
certainly not around town. You have to remember, I grew up in the 70s when we
didn’t even have seatbelts, really, so I never really picked up the habit, so
I’m very comfortable driving around Kyiv without my seatbelt. I haven’t worn
one since I’ve been here, including on that ride you watched before. That’s
just me, though.
I also like the fact
that many, if not most, dog owners do NOT leash their pets (maybe half of them
do), even on city streets with heavy traffic (note: I’ve been told most dog
owners take their dogs to obedience school). And I have yet to see any owner
pick up their dog’s poop. They don’t do that here. Some of you will be
horrified by that but I personally don’t care. Again, just me. Don’t judge me,
or these Ukrainians, though. It’s just their culture, different from ours!
So when it comes to pets and driving, I would fit right in
here, probably better than back home!
Moving on to my last cultural observation, and since I’m
being a bit of a culture critic this week, I’d like to talk about the music
scene in Ukraine. So since I started this post with music lyrics, I want to end
on that subject.
Music in Ukraine
In my opinion, when it comes to popular music in
Ukraine, I think it sucks. While I’m sure there’s diversity in music here that
I just haven’t heard, I’m still searching for a rock venue here, other than 80s
metal tribute bands. I love heavy metal, don’t get me wrong, I’m an old school
metalhead to be sure, but they don’t seem to have moved beyond 80s metal. And
there’s no live music scene to speak of. Maybe I’ll find that scene before I
leave, but believe me, I’ve searched and found little to choose from. Not even
a blues bar (I did see a Jazz bar once). While I have heard what I would
describe as trance or soft house music at a few restaurants, and I even heard
Jason Mraz once, and Sting, but not much else, no R&B or anything remotely
sounding like it. No funk and no punk.
They seem to be stuck in the disco era. 90% of what I hear on the radio
sounds like this, and it all sounds the same to me. Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKl52BfOifk
But I’m guessing Ukraine has my music and that I just
haven’t found it yet. I did find this interesting homemade documentary about
the history of heavy metal in Ukraine, from the Soviet era of the 80s up to
today, which if you still like your metal heavy, you’ll enjoy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aP-KTznbuw
The subject of music, including a revision of Bob Marley’s
Three Little Birds into new, “Ukrenglish” lyrics, is forthcoming, along with my
list of 10 Things I Miss About the U.S., coming soon!
Gotta fly!
